Love Letters to Dead Architects: Sinners, Saints, Slobs, Salesmen

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Asher Benjamin,

So how does it feel to be the Betty Crocker of the Architectural World? Now. Don’t look at me like that (I know you are), I don’t mean to be condescending. Think about it, your books have made it possible for those who don’t have access to any academies or ecoles to aspire to architecture greater than that of necessity.

Additionally, about these detail drawings you’ve included - understandable, well drafted, and beautiful - which is all I will say about the matter.

In many ways, you’re not to far from Andrea Palladio (Don’t gasp at my blasphemy, it does’nt suit you.) I knew him, a long, long time ago. You would have liked him and I imagine he would have felt the same way about you.

While I wish you had truly spread your horizions beyond the idyllic and the rural when it came to your “architectural how-to” book. I can do nothing but congratulate you.

Therefore I must leave now, unless I appear to be gushing with praise.

Yours ever,

Retly Corm



Erich Mendelsohn,

I can’t get you off my mind. All those curves in the Einstein Tower? All those Triangles in the Luckenwalde Hat Factory? The perfect composition that is the Red Flag Textile factory. It’s enough to make a person blush. It’s like the material has melted, a northern and modern evolution of Gaudi. But still, you’re so much more than that…

Question: Do you know how hard it is to find someone who is both smart and fun to be around?

Answer: It’s really hard.

You must know this. You’re surrounded by scientists…scientists who play the cello, I’m sure they’re nice, I’m just saying. I’ve also know scientists who play instruments and most of them were insufferable.

With Love,

Retly Corm

Dear Pierre Cuypers,

I can tell you are the kind of man who you don’t mess around with. So let me just go ahead and confess what we both know: I’m nothing but a sinner.

I was raised with good principles, but traveling the world and wanting the presence and presents of all manner of rakes and rascals, well one cannot stay immune forever. I’m not sure I want to be saved, but when I look at your Gothic Rijksmuseum Amsterdam, I get a feeling I’ve not had in years. Maybe the apotheosis your architecture gives to all the Rembrandts and Vermeers, maybe it’s because it reminds me of a strict religion that I have rebelled against for a long time. Whatever it is, it’s tangible.

Guardedly yours,

Retly Corm



Dear Konstantin Andreyevich Thon,

Don’t give me those romantic-poet-puppy eyes. You know what you did. You can’t just throw me to the dogs to save your skin at dinner parties. Listen, I know you’re scared. I would be too. You’re a Russian artist who supports the Tzar.

To be perfectly honest Konstantin, I’m not sure how well it’s going to work out for you – People in your position traditionally have a tendency to have their careers end tragically. You may get lucky though; you may be respected, loved even, after you are gone. My advice? Throw yourself into the future, get behind the latest construction techniques, design a train station, get involved in a big way. At least then, when the revolutionaries take over, you may be seen as an innovator, rather than a relic icon. Then again, Russians like those too.

With Love,

Retly Corm


Dear Frederick Law Olmsted

Remember when we were talking a while back, you said you wanted to start some trouble? I do.

Well, on that point, Andrew Jackson Downing was crazy talking about some huge park in the middle of the city. I know the partying has worn off by now, but I think he may actually have something there.

We can stick it to those New York money based pragmatists once and for all. Now’s the time, let’s go ahead and take over 800 acres on the island, make a park so beautiful they can’t tear it down. No matter how much they whine, people will love it and they’ll be stuck. I already called Calvert Vaux, he’ll be over about noon.

You start drafting; I’m going to pull together some hush money.
Chop Chop!

Best,

Retly Corm.


Hey there Ed Bacon,

So…I can’t help but notice that you haven’t called.

I would be mad, but I know that you’re busy. You’ve got a lot on your plate, so I’ll be empathetic. I mean here you are, doing your damndest to take a cluttered, claustrophobic city and really do something worth while.

Instead of just looking at a grid and saying “Yup. There you go.” You look beyond that, into the special and spatial needs of a place. Indeed, I can’t help but get a little sentimental about your commitment to human interaction on an urban scale. Color and perception, the man made and the natural, it all weaves together to form a whole. Yet, as architects and planners we can still control it, still shape our world for the better.

While your ideas are clear and simple they’re getting muddled up by poets and politicians who can’t see past their own egos. You care about more than yourself. It’s why I think I may love you.
Stay bad-ass Ed.

With Love,

Retly Corm


Dear Andrew Jackson Downing,

When I first heard you speak on the subject of personal gardens, I thought

“Ok. So I’m supposed to take care of my property not because it benefits me financially but because it makes me a better person? That’s cute.”

Maybe I’ve been too cynical, I’ve seen a lot hopeful people and brilliant ideas get crushed by indifference and sloth. But you’re different, you’re not advocating gardens just for the rich. I’m hearing that you want every person to have a chance to have a little piece of paradise of your own? How novel. How republican. How…noble.

This plan of “landscape architecture” might actually be crazy enough to work.

Yours (turns out) truly,

Retly Corm

Dear William Van Alen,

Ok. So they say the Chrysler Building lacks depth of meaning in its design. Well guess what nerds, it’s awesome. All the details reference it’s inspiration, if that’s not depth, I don’t want to know what is.

You know what lacks depth? All this neo-this, revival-that nonsense, just because it’s inspired by something ancient, doesn’t mean it’s good.

You know what else was a bunch of flash and pop and dazzle? Anything Baroque. Ever.

Listen, they’re all ready to cry themselves to sleep over Bernini but they can’t recognize a similar kind of genius in their own age. Don’t worry Bill, you know and I know one of these days they’ll be kicking themselves.

Plus, who needs them? People love the hell out of your building.

I do too.

Love,

Retly Corm


Ralph Knott,

Remember, my dearest boy, where you came from. You may be living a beautiful life, falling in love, charming the people, inventing the “Edwardian Baroque”. I know there’s nothing you’re trying to be besides a great architect. But I want to warn you, some people will only ever see you as a prentender. Before you start, I know, the County Hall building for London County Council broke barriers, structurally, aesthetically, I know. I’m just saying.

The fact is you’re the son of a tailor from Dorset. That is’nt a bad thing, it’s just the truth. Hey, Turner’s father was a wig-maker. Own it. Make it the reason why you are as great as you are.

Affectionately yours,
Retly Corm

Dear Jay Sarno,

Really? REALLY? Ceasar’s Palace? That’s what you decided to call it? I think maybe Caligula would have made more sense. No. That would have been seedy.

Ok. Now that’s out of my system.

I’d be mad at you, but damnit if it doesn’t work.
Maybe that’s why you’re in the casino business and I’m in…whatever it is that I do.
You know, when you think about it, the architecture may not be “sophisticated” or “intellectual” you were able to do what thousands, maybe tens of thousands of architects wish they could – create an entire world in your own vision.

Say what you will about design intent, you have to respect that kind of gumption.
Best Regards,

Retly Corm


Edith Wharton,

Kudos on setting some standards in this town, there is this common and popular idea currently that the more objects you have, the better off you are. We both know this is simply untrue. The more junk in the window, the less likely you are to appreciate the flowers and the trees. This whole movement is aestheticism run amok (I’m looking at YOU James Whistler, you started all this nonsense).

I just hope that the intent of the work is made clear in its reading. I know you do not mean to be condescending or snobbish regarding the correct and incorrect way. But someone has to tell them, and if not us then whom?

Best,

Retly Corm


Elise De Wolfe.

Enough of this cat-and-mouse-game. I cannot stand to be away from you any longer. Not only does your beauty shine like the sun, but you bring light into the gloomiest and darkest corner of my mind and glum Victorian houses.

You truly are “a rebel in an ugly world.”

Everyone will say of Lady Mendl, long after we both are gon that she wanted to world to be honest especially to itself. Not everyone is as brave. Please come away with me. We can be honest, simple and sophisticated. We can do cartwheels all day in fine evening gowns and we will never once hear the clucking of teeth. Not that we care anyway.

I’ll wait. Not forever.

With Love,

Retly Corm