Recently I discovered that I don’t necessarily have to be successful to travel well, I just need to be friends with people who are successful. This was the case last month, when my older sister (a junior CEO for a major multinational corporation) invited me on her business trip. To give our discoveries context, I feel it is necessary to give a little bit of background: it will surprise no one that I have always been a little jealous of my traveling companion.
Growing up, I was always pale, filled with angst, odd and desperate for approval. While she, at least to me, was tan, blonde, popular and envied no one.
This is the woman whom I one time asked the rhetorical question of :
“Man, I looked so good this morning and now I look crazy frumpy, does that ever happen to you?”
“No.”
Then a long pause
“I’m really pretty; those kinds of things just don’t happen to me”
Because of our clear differences we were often put into categories; Artistic and Misunderstood vs. Bubbly and Manipulative. Basically Jane Eyre vs. Emma Woodhouse.
I know I deserved no such credit, nor she such censure. Between the two, she has always been the smarter one and though we continually butted heads in our adolescence, we actually became good friends as we grew older. I became more confident and less dependant on others, while she became more sympathetic and understanding of faults. Eventually we decided not to force each other to be what the other one wanted. I was never going to be accepted by the Field Hockey Team and she was never going to care about the Battle of Thermopolis.
Keep that in mind when I force her to join me, on not one, but TWO modern art museums even though she hates them. She didn't even complain once. Long story short: she's pretty cool.
So let’s get down to it, shall we?
London: Part I Lone Ranger in a Strange Land.
Arriving at 7:00 am on Thursday after the world’s longest flight, I made the decision that should I ever have enough power to institute it, I am banning babies from international red-eye flights. I’m not sure what tragedy that baby had seen in its short life, but it was making it well known. Verbally. For 5 hours.
Perhaps it was the symptoms of exhaustion and disorientation that made the city of London seem so much more magical that morning. The sun was shining with a kind of pleasant indifference, the kind that beautiful people have, and I headed from our hotel along Hyde Park straight to the National Galleries.
Visiting an art museum is something that is usually best done after going Rogue. An art museum is a kind of secular cathedral; you need to be one with the greater forces at work. Such was the case here. Some of the highlights include:
Hogarths’ “Marriage A La Mode” which depicts the unfortunate and arranged marriage and acts as biting social commentary. I’ve mentioned Hogarth before on the Blog (While I was in Scotland) but just in case you’re not familiar with Hogarth, here’s his formula:
Plate 1- This is John. John works hard at a printer’s shop. This is John’s friend Steve. Steve is lazy and kicks dogs.
Plate 2- John is rewarded for his hard work and marries a respectable young lady. Steve says “Eff this” and goes off to the East Indies.
Plate 3- John becomes a Law Clerk. Steve dicks around with Hookers.
Plate 4- John buys an estate in the country. Steve contracts syphilis and his ugly girlfriend steals from the blind orphans.
Plate 5 – John becomes Mayor and is now the richest man in London.
Plate 6 -Steve gets beat up by his ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend and is burned in a fire only to be hung later that day.
The good are rewarded, the evil are punished. No redemption available. Maybe it’s because I’m too brassy for my own good, but the heroes of Hogarth Paintings always seem like such tools. I feel like the Villains are at least interesting, they don’t live their lives by the book (God forbid).
However, unlike the Rake’s or Harlot’s Progress paintings, Marriage A La Mode reads less like a Bad Gofus and Gallant sketch from Hilights for Kids.
It is more a tale of love of money over respect for others than a how-to guide. The young couple is really only a set of cogs in a system that is fundamentally broken. This is what Hogarth is really all about, meritocracy not mediocrity. Eventually they become the monsters society has made them, nothing more, nothing less.
There are countless other great paintings:
Velazquez- Venus at the Mirror
(Damn Girl you so fine you making me sexist, so fine crazy women want to stab you)
Van Dyck – Portrait of Charles I
(So I’m short, big friggin deal. I’m still going to rule your asses until...oh wait…dang)
Van Eyck – The Arnolfini Portrait
(maybe after you’re finished pretending to be pregnant you can get some housework done)
Titian – Bacchus and Ariadne
(Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role and tell you that the butt ain't gold, So they toss it and leave it, and I pull up quick to retrieve it)
Rubens- The Judgement of Paris
(Girls. Girls. You’re all pretty. Yeah, pretty heavy. Oh damn)
Wright – An Experiment on a Bird in an Air Pump
(Don’t worry girls, that bird stole a T.V. he deserves it)
Carravaggio – Boy Bitten by a Lizard
(Am I a metaphor for dude sex? A technical exercise on exploring the senses? Social commentary? Who knows.)
Holbien – The Ambassadors
(It’s like a magic eye, but literally a million times better)
Gainsborough – Mr. and Mrs. Andrews
(Look at all our stuff. Seriously, there’s a lot of it)
Suerat – The Bathers at Asnieres.
(In all seriousness this painting almost made me cry…It was at that point I realized I needed to eat and pee, not necessarily in that order, to become sane again)
Finally there’s Turner.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zc_zrz6j9Hw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhICGT1gnCA
No one ever breaks your heart quite like J.M.W.Turner. There is dignity and loneliness, disrepair and nostalgia all in that kind of sad golden light. The self acknowledged end of an age. This is the most poignant in The Fighting Temmiers. Turner knows it’s only a matter of time until he and his ilk are shooed away by the hard, sharp and loud future. (I’m looking at YOU Isambard Kingdom Brunnel) But there’s no point in being mad about it. Just try and go off with a little bit of dignity. That is until John Ruskin finds stacks and stacks of porn in your house after you die. Gross.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2004/dec/29/artsandhumanities.arts
The Gallery building itself is quite imposing
Originally put up by John Nash as a (can you believe it) Parthenon of virtue through art. Eventually John Nash had his ideas stolen and built by another. As the collection expanded so did the building. Each addition feels like a complex layer added onto a strong backbone. As if to say “Me too! I’m in! Don’t Forget me.” All except one. This is of course, the addition by Venturi Scott Brown and Associates. The Sainsbury Wing, is unlike the others for obvious reasons. Firstly, it’s post-modern. And very much so.
There pulling back of the stone and making it into a curtain holding back the show is that rare combination of wit, drama and sexiness that made Venturi into a legend and is so missing from his later work. The original scheme for the addition by Ahrends, Burton and Koralek was called a "monstrous carbuncle" by the Prince of Wales. A term which is now common (apparently) for a modern building that clashes with its surroundings.
http://www.ribapix.com/image.php?i=17036&r=2&t=4&x=1
The galleries of VSBA are stark yet cozy, humble yet wry. Out of context and yet completely at home, almost like an Italian painting in a British Museum…
The next stop was the National Portrait Gallery in London. A whole 30 feet away.
Beautiful, inspiring and expected. Like a Facebook gallery of you and all your supercool friends. I feel a little bit like a stalker. Additionally there is nothing I can say about this gallery which has not been said more eloquently than Kate Beaton:
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=167
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=168
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=169
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=170
Stay tuned for the next episode:
London Part II. Birds and Serpents.
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